I just painted this tonight, felt like sharing.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day
Today was a good day. I was thinking the past few days about last year again,where I was, what was going on, how life in L.A. was and how I miss it...though not those tims really but I guess the feeling at the end of it all when I left that place.
Upon thinking about last year and working at the homeless shelter on Valentine's Day, it was fun. I felt really appreciated and affirmed that day. I had only been working there for two weeks or so at that point, yet different guys got me socks or chocolate that day. And it wasn't in a creepy way, just a way to say your a woman and I give this to you. I guess the thing is that everyone wants to give to someone, wants to feel wanted, even if that is in the way that they give to say they have someone to give to so therefore they are somewhat wanted.
Today was a very good day. One of my roomates and friends cooked my other friend and roomate breakfast. I went and got a manicure and got a latte while having good drawing and journaling time. It felt good to draw again at the coffee shop today. I had my interview at Nordstroms today. There definitely was a few times today while sitting in the room with 20 other people thinking why am I here that came to mind.
I feel more drawn to retail in my heart lately, I know its what I need to do and I do enjoy the thought of parts of it. The other parts is what I'm having a harder time with lately i.e. feeling it in my heart or whatever.
Its like you have to step away from something you love to learn more about it and to ultimately get you back to that place. I believe this retail thing will do that for me. And be less and less excruciating.
I saw a lot of orange faces today, heard a lot of high pitched "professional" voices and surfacey lame talk. I interviewed with two different managers. What is beauty anyway? I think I'm always thinking about that but even more so today. And what does it mean "to sell" something anyway. In one question I had to "sell my outfit" and i wanted to vomit in my mouth. I'm not a big labels person and usually dressing up on professional garb makes me want to vomit and I don't feel myself in it. though, I find there are ways to do that..its a growing merge for me.
I guess I'll find out what happens.
To expand, the first interview was cool, she was a younger girl and we had a nice conversation. The other one, I got interviewed by two older ladies who weren't secure in themselves and bitter. That was my impression. And you know the saying about old bitter women...well, theres no saying but usually they don't like younger youthful women. And I got that from them, you know you can just tell if someone doesn't want you to get the job at the beginning of the interview really.
And to cap the night off, I went with some friends to see Step it up 2, 2 the streets. Good times. It was a good movie, a packed house. I love dance movies. They make you want to quit your day job and just dance on the streets. At least for me. I met so many cool people today, I made a bunch of cookies and wrapped them with ribbon and gave them away randomly. I wanted to give them to homeless folks but I ended up running into more non homeless folks than homeless and gave them the cookies. It was fun, people were really appreciative and enjoyed it. Its fun seeing that. And the cookies were damn good too I would have to say. Just don't eat them for breakfast like I did this morning...before my roomate's breakfast---had a massive and uncomfortable sugar crash this a.m. Since the cookies with frosting are pure sugar and butter. Again, another good times.
So, that was my day. A good one to know you are loved in so many ways and able to give and share that with others.
Upon thinking about last year and working at the homeless shelter on Valentine's Day, it was fun. I felt really appreciated and affirmed that day. I had only been working there for two weeks or so at that point, yet different guys got me socks or chocolate that day. And it wasn't in a creepy way, just a way to say your a woman and I give this to you. I guess the thing is that everyone wants to give to someone, wants to feel wanted, even if that is in the way that they give to say they have someone to give to so therefore they are somewhat wanted.
Today was a very good day. One of my roomates and friends cooked my other friend and roomate breakfast. I went and got a manicure and got a latte while having good drawing and journaling time. It felt good to draw again at the coffee shop today. I had my interview at Nordstroms today. There definitely was a few times today while sitting in the room with 20 other people thinking why am I here that came to mind.
I feel more drawn to retail in my heart lately, I know its what I need to do and I do enjoy the thought of parts of it. The other parts is what I'm having a harder time with lately i.e. feeling it in my heart or whatever.
Its like you have to step away from something you love to learn more about it and to ultimately get you back to that place. I believe this retail thing will do that for me. And be less and less excruciating.
I saw a lot of orange faces today, heard a lot of high pitched "professional" voices and surfacey lame talk. I interviewed with two different managers. What is beauty anyway? I think I'm always thinking about that but even more so today. And what does it mean "to sell" something anyway. In one question I had to "sell my outfit" and i wanted to vomit in my mouth. I'm not a big labels person and usually dressing up on professional garb makes me want to vomit and I don't feel myself in it. though, I find there are ways to do that..its a growing merge for me.
I guess I'll find out what happens.
To expand, the first interview was cool, she was a younger girl and we had a nice conversation. The other one, I got interviewed by two older ladies who weren't secure in themselves and bitter. That was my impression. And you know the saying about old bitter women...well, theres no saying but usually they don't like younger youthful women. And I got that from them, you know you can just tell if someone doesn't want you to get the job at the beginning of the interview really.
And to cap the night off, I went with some friends to see Step it up 2, 2 the streets. Good times. It was a good movie, a packed house. I love dance movies. They make you want to quit your day job and just dance on the streets. At least for me. I met so many cool people today, I made a bunch of cookies and wrapped them with ribbon and gave them away randomly. I wanted to give them to homeless folks but I ended up running into more non homeless folks than homeless and gave them the cookies. It was fun, people were really appreciative and enjoyed it. Its fun seeing that. And the cookies were damn good too I would have to say. Just don't eat them for breakfast like I did this morning...before my roomate's breakfast---had a massive and uncomfortable sugar crash this a.m. Since the cookies with frosting are pure sugar and butter. Again, another good times.
So, that was my day. A good one to know you are loved in so many ways and able to give and share that with others.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Rain Rain Go Away
Hola!
Well, its been an interesting week in the rainforest. The sun came out twice this week, to which I had a freaking good time with. Went running for the first stint of sunshine that lasted an hour. The second stint was yesterday and it was all day mostly! People were smiling, there was no rain, it was mid 50s, people were having lunch outside, windows down, no other garb but sweatshirts and jeans. It was amazing!
I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, or something. This whole lack of sunshine has been making me feel extremely exhausted. I ordered a sun box, that light that you sit by for 30 minutes that pretends it sun without tanning you. In the meantime while that is shipping I broke down and went tanning the day before the sun came out after two weeks of rain. I have one more tan session I will use this week before my light comes.
One of my roomates also feels similar and she went tanning as well the same day I did. OUr other friend and roomate both thought we were on crack because we had so much energy that day...and it continues! I've been feeling pretty good after those ten minutes of fake and nasty uv rays in that tanning bed.
Interestingly I used to tan in those when I was in college, maybe thats why I have never felt this tired before. I never liked winter but I survived it in school because of my tanning I think.
I'm not a big fan of the tan beds, I don't think they are good for you and I don't want to be tan when its 40 degrees outside.
On another note went to this cool cafe, Sisters of the Road Cafe downtown. Its a buck and a quarter for a meal and there is a lot of homeless peeps that go. Its a cool place, I liked it. I felt like I was in a world that was so comfortable to me yet didn't fit. You ever have that happen to you?
Also, I'm going to Guatemala for a month this November to work with street kids and orphans and do building projects..just decided. Am pumped!
Well, its been an interesting week in the rainforest. The sun came out twice this week, to which I had a freaking good time with. Went running for the first stint of sunshine that lasted an hour. The second stint was yesterday and it was all day mostly! People were smiling, there was no rain, it was mid 50s, people were having lunch outside, windows down, no other garb but sweatshirts and jeans. It was amazing!
I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, or something. This whole lack of sunshine has been making me feel extremely exhausted. I ordered a sun box, that light that you sit by for 30 minutes that pretends it sun without tanning you. In the meantime while that is shipping I broke down and went tanning the day before the sun came out after two weeks of rain. I have one more tan session I will use this week before my light comes.
One of my roomates also feels similar and she went tanning as well the same day I did. OUr other friend and roomate both thought we were on crack because we had so much energy that day...and it continues! I've been feeling pretty good after those ten minutes of fake and nasty uv rays in that tanning bed.
Interestingly I used to tan in those when I was in college, maybe thats why I have never felt this tired before. I never liked winter but I survived it in school because of my tanning I think.
I'm not a big fan of the tan beds, I don't think they are good for you and I don't want to be tan when its 40 degrees outside.
On another note went to this cool cafe, Sisters of the Road Cafe downtown. Its a buck and a quarter for a meal and there is a lot of homeless peeps that go. Its a cool place, I liked it. I felt like I was in a world that was so comfortable to me yet didn't fit. You ever have that happen to you?
Also, I'm going to Guatemala for a month this November to work with street kids and orphans and do building projects..just decided. Am pumped!
Monday, February 4, 2008
Jobless in the tundra
Is it a tundra? Flashbacks to school when we would talk about the different whatever they were. Actually, I'm in a freaking rainforest I believe, cold jungle perhaps.
This rain is relentless, I saw the sun a few times last week, but since then we've been on a straight shot of rain and more rain. Its becoming normal to me at this point, but still would like some happy rays of life and a warm beach, ahh fond memories of L.A. All the moisture is good for the skin and hair, so thats a plus anyhow.
Interestingly, I have been reflecting per usual and thinking about a year ago when I first came to L.A., I did a lot of journaling per typing on my computer so I have been re-reading my journal during that timeframe. Funny how you remember the end of something, someplace and I am noticing similar feelings in my journal entries a year ago as I am now. Places take time to adjust to and its during those times that your character gets painfully strengthened, it is kind of a good feeling at the same time. I'm sure I will re-read my journal entries a year from now and see all that has progressed and changed over that time.
It is ok and natural, normal to miss places, to let go of places through that process. I know Portland will become home to me at some point, I love that feeling--feeling settled where life thrives. Yet I continue to learn life thrives in other places and seasons too. Its just different. In some ways I do prefer the settling one/thriving one over the other. Allnecessary though.
Well, still on the job hunt. I'm focusing my efforts toward retail, yup retail. Took me a bit to accept this, but I feel certain about this and am quite excited about it. Feel is will be beneficial and necessary for my growth and connect with my future endeavors. Heard lately that sometimes dreams have to die in order to produce something more than what it first was. I think I'm in that, well, I know I'm in that period right now. To die in some ways doesn't necessarily mean to never have again, different kind of death I speak of...this one lives again in a more healthy, out of our capacity kind of way to produce more and be more than what is logical or what I can conjure up.
I miss the inner city. Have I said this? I miss a lot. But, I want to work and do with all my heart what I know I need to do now, which will give me a bigger perspective ofnew things I have not been immersed in.
Good news, have an interview next week with Nordstroms downtown (boosey area) of Portland. Feeling certain at this time that is where I want to work and will get the job. If it isn't then something better is up, however, feel I need to enjoy my time right now, wait for this interview, and serve and bring life to others in ways I can right now as I wait. Thats the direction I'm getting. Was going to apply at a temp job but just feel that isn't a "wise" choice right now, whatever that means. But yeah, waiting, just waiting...not sitting and doing nothing waiting, kind of, but waiting nonetheless.
Think I may traverse to Seattle perhaps for a day jaunt. Go to the ocean two hours away on another. Go to the DMV...thats fun. But necessary. Enjoy this time. I went to a hip hop class last week, like this dance studio I went to. They have a street jazz session tomorrow, gonna try it. Jay-Z here I come.
This rain is relentless, I saw the sun a few times last week, but since then we've been on a straight shot of rain and more rain. Its becoming normal to me at this point, but still would like some happy rays of life and a warm beach, ahh fond memories of L.A. All the moisture is good for the skin and hair, so thats a plus anyhow.
Interestingly, I have been reflecting per usual and thinking about a year ago when I first came to L.A., I did a lot of journaling per typing on my computer so I have been re-reading my journal during that timeframe. Funny how you remember the end of something, someplace and I am noticing similar feelings in my journal entries a year ago as I am now. Places take time to adjust to and its during those times that your character gets painfully strengthened, it is kind of a good feeling at the same time. I'm sure I will re-read my journal entries a year from now and see all that has progressed and changed over that time.
It is ok and natural, normal to miss places, to let go of places through that process. I know Portland will become home to me at some point, I love that feeling--feeling settled where life thrives. Yet I continue to learn life thrives in other places and seasons too. Its just different. In some ways I do prefer the settling one/thriving one over the other. Allnecessary though.
Well, still on the job hunt. I'm focusing my efforts toward retail, yup retail. Took me a bit to accept this, but I feel certain about this and am quite excited about it. Feel is will be beneficial and necessary for my growth and connect with my future endeavors. Heard lately that sometimes dreams have to die in order to produce something more than what it first was. I think I'm in that, well, I know I'm in that period right now. To die in some ways doesn't necessarily mean to never have again, different kind of death I speak of...this one lives again in a more healthy, out of our capacity kind of way to produce more and be more than what is logical or what I can conjure up.
I miss the inner city. Have I said this? I miss a lot. But, I want to work and do with all my heart what I know I need to do now, which will give me a bigger perspective ofnew things I have not been immersed in.
Good news, have an interview next week with Nordstroms downtown (boosey area) of Portland. Feeling certain at this time that is where I want to work and will get the job. If it isn't then something better is up, however, feel I need to enjoy my time right now, wait for this interview, and serve and bring life to others in ways I can right now as I wait. Thats the direction I'm getting. Was going to apply at a temp job but just feel that isn't a "wise" choice right now, whatever that means. But yeah, waiting, just waiting...not sitting and doing nothing waiting, kind of, but waiting nonetheless.
Think I may traverse to Seattle perhaps for a day jaunt. Go to the ocean two hours away on another. Go to the DMV...thats fun. But necessary. Enjoy this time. I went to a hip hop class last week, like this dance studio I went to. They have a street jazz session tomorrow, gonna try it. Jay-Z here I come.
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