ahhh oregon

Thats what I just have to say these days....
I think often of the question, when will I love this place? Will I love this place? And hard to believe now, but I know that I will someday. In L.A. I felt the same in the beginning, initially thought the sun, palm trees, and ocean could carry me through adjusting to a new place, and though they created some solace for me, well, they didn't carry me through and I merely adapted to them. I'm not sure in what ways my solace is found here, I think I'm in the process of seeing that right now.

My nose is not cold currently, what a freaking miracle. My roomates and I decided to turn off the heat after our lame bill from the electric or gas company whichever it is....and pretty much the past two weeks it has been unseasonably cold as they say and my nose was constantly cold as well as the rest of me. We broke down as it has been really cold the past few days and turned them back on...we were tired of seeing our breath inside, not really, but we were tired of being cold. So, I sit in my bed actually pleasantly warm, and to think before I thought this was cold and now it is warm, got to love relativity..if that is a word.

So, been seeing glimpses lately of hope, knowing that all things come together beautifully just in time. Feel lately I'm learning what it means to act in wisdom versus my emotions and how to plan in wisdom now for the future vs. fulfillment now and pay back future if that makes sense. This mostly concerns my finances and budgeting and spending skills. Good stuff I'm learning.
Well, the cherry blossom trees are blooming, I think thats what they are called, they are quite beautiful. The daffodils and flowers are in mostly full effect, I heard spring begins to start in April so I'm believing for more sunshine. Bring it on..please!!!

wondering where I fit

You ever wonder where you fit in life? I find myself thinking about that today, kind of tired with the Portland thing to be honest. The past two months of being here has been a difficult time, yet full of learning and joy in the midst of different struggles and instable circumstances.
I find myself wondering why I have this thing in me, maybe its called control of needing to know the future, know the now and that very thing fights with living freely. uh.
I got a job working at the zoo and I had my first official day this weekend. it kind of sucked to be again honest---think manual labor meets high schoolers...but this whole process has taught me some very valuable things about jobs, status, life, what advantages and disadvantages people carry and have, the fairness and unfairness of what happens in the world...you know, the usual. It all connects somehow and Iknow I will look back on these experiences and say "ah I get it" later on in life.
But for now, its in the up and down of thankfulness to looking at exact details of my life and getting annoyed. I think through all of this I figured out what I really wanted to do and jobs I want to look for and that is with the homeless/poor/socially disadvantaged whatever you would like to classify it as. I thought other avenues would be of benefit, but they truly aren't my giftings nor my passions and while it could teach me some valuable things, well I don't feel like deadening my soul in the process.
Well, thats life here. Thought about moving back to L.A. today in a default mode, I know I will be back there someday in some capacity but I'm not sure if it would be as soon as tomorrow, thought sometimes I would like it to be that way.

photos from da beach

cannon beach and life happenings

Went to Cannon Beach for a day trip this past week. It was beautiful. Having not seen the ocean for almost two months it was glorious. I would usually make it to the beach once a week on the weekends for a nap, run, walk, or journal or book time. I loved the ocean in L.A. Such a calm place, such a beautiful place. I find that it makes you feel small in a good way, that there is so much more out there, something bigger and just how the waves and everything just works as you watch it is baffling.

I just walked this time up and down the beach for a few hours actually. It was again, glorious. The sun was out, it was a bit cooler than L.A. but it was great. I will attach some photos.

A life update here, well doing office temp work right now. Have my last phase of interviewing this Tuesday with the county for a possible job in the jail system. I'm continuing to apply for other jobs, just seeing what happens with allof this. I've come in the past week or so to have a lot of peace with this. What was frustrating is now good. I feel that I was needing to know what life would belike now, but I realize sometimes things just don't work that way. And you have to enjoy the process of the unknown sometimes.

I am seeing glimpses in the past week of a few things concerning my dreams for this place with the homeless. I am seeing possibilities of a team of people forming currently for this. And I am seeing and learning how to change things in my life specifically with my finances to set up a firm foundation that will develop of of these principles. its pretty rad. i'mpumped. i believe this year is going to be a big one, full of miracles! I expect them!
my photos won't work, something is wrong with the server so i'll try to add them later.