Realization

Sometimes in order to realize you have a passion for something you have to be away from it.

I went to a volunteer orientation today that was for tonight-my bad. But I went there for a purpose, to see those who come into the drop in center. I arrived early, door locked and wanted to go back to my car. I sat on the curb, feeling I needed to stay with the few others in the cold...and I needed to buck up and sit for 15 minutes in the cold as these folks spend their lives out here. I saw some others in cars, seething at them with my nasty and not humble attitude--assuming they were other volunteers that couldnt "be like the people" and sit their ass on the pavement. I walk in to be greeted by the smell of piss, hemp, and body odor. Its a very chill, granola type feeling. Homey, people dressed down to earth, workers and the homeless. I talk with the volunteer coordinator to discover the training is at 5 and not 10. Yet shes says she can speak with me for a bit. So she shares about what they do and I sense an attitude that is falsely humble, humble against bureaucracy and falsely says we know and we are truly helping "the people".

The thing is, do we really know what people need and how to help them? And in each and every way aren't all structures corrupt and broken? Some worse than others yet, I realized that I don't want my attitude to be like hers, but an attitude that sees the good and bad in things, that works with the good and encourages and changes the bad.I had a cool convo with this dude outside, I feel at home around the homeless, at peace, there is no pretension there in this atmosphere, just realness. Their perspective is cool and they have so much depth and facets to their lives.

I find here that it seems pretty divided in perspective, activism. East siders are classified at vegans, environmental, artsy activists. While west siders are pretensious corporate peeps who drive around not giving a damn about those not like them. Yet, interestingly, the generality is true on the other side, that the east siders don't give a damn about those not like them...those with wealth and those suppporting corporate America. Is there a middle ground? For with both, a larger perspective could be established and change the world together with more resources and more wit to do it with.

I continue to hear in my head today, "You must have both to understand Sarah, balance". Though I feel numb most days in this nice suburbia woodsy neighborhood, though my interactions with the homeless and street peeps are few since I came here, I know what makes me feel alive, what I love is working for, being with, and committed to that population. Yet, I know there are ways to see what I see in those with wealth..yet I'm not seeing them cause they are never outside. However, there are more ways to initiate, more ways that I can be exposed to them in a job. For some reason I feel really impressed upon to do retail here. So, we shall see what all happens....to be continued!