Insecurities washed away

I just got done going to a conference the past few days at the church I started going to here. It was a Generations Unleashed conference. I would have to admit I wondered what the job I was doing there as I walked in on Thursday night to be confronted by massive amounts of teens/youth. The conference described to me at church by some was oh, its a 13-20's type of deal. True. But felt that the proportion was largely middle and high schoolers. White middle class/wealthy middle and high schoolers. I felt like I was a kid again, with all the insecurities and opinions of church coming up from my past.
I grew up in a middle class/wealthy white area, and church. The only asian in my church and mostly in my neighborhood and school I felt different most of the time, yet sometimes I don't think I recognized that I wasn't white somedays and others it was very evident to me. I wasn't accepted by people at my church growing up...for whatever reason, it happened. My mom made me wear the same outfit to church every Sunday which also made it excruciating as a kid. I felt different, lonely, unaccepted. I grew up during that time and even after having a strong hatred towards those people and the church, for their judgements, for their religiosity.
To say now, there is still some of that going on now..why must we condemn tomake ourselves feel better? And why must the church be classified as a place of judgement when God himself is not mad at us and we have nothing to prove to him because he loves us deeply and wants us to walk in security of who we are and our future.

All to say, that these past few days there was so much healing in my life, to be restored of those things that had affected my view of who I was, am. I felt walking out of there today that I was a woman with great purpose and hope, not a 13 year old kid who is different and judged by others by what I look like or who they perceive me to be.

I feel that things, people groups I will be around here in Portland will merge and for some reason it keeps coming up in my mind to work with youth...white wealthy youth for some time...I believe I'm going to learn more about people, about loving all people and seeing the beauty in each of them.....
I feel healed today!!!