bye bye fuj's happs

well, for any of you that still read this...I'm leaving fuj's happs at blogspot. haven't been updating this really...and though it was a good try for some time, well, the happs just aren't being kept up with . sorry, and so long for now!!!

its been awhile.....

i don't recall right now what or when my last post was, but i believe i mentioned that i was going to philly for school.
i may of wrote when I got here, not sure.
But I'm here.
Life is good. Its interesting the process of life, when things come together when they do and my attitude throughout it all.
My adjustment so far to Philly has been quick, there are some cities that take time and some that don't. philly has just really fit for me, i life the feel of the city, I like the community i live in. I live with four others in a house in West Philly, an inner city part. i've been harassed a few times for being asian and a girl, but thats another story for another time. my community is full of life...both in the house and outside of it. i've never liked cats before...maybe a few kittens here or there, but we have some strays that have become our friends...green eyes and nuggett, green eyes is the mom and she had nuggett a bit back andjust had two really cute kittens which we name silverbell and snowflake. gt. good times. i find myself talking to them like they understand when I say hello in a childlike voice. its kind of ridiculous. but they are super cute.
so been going to some dance classes in the city, i'm going to a modern jazz class today. went to a few hip hop classes. theres a lot of art and dance stuff in this city and i'm going to be starting this week volunteering with broad street--this place that has meals and church and art stuff with the homeless and anyone in the community, its ahodge podge of peeps. i'm starting to help teach dance this week at a homeless shelter with youth, so that should be interesting too.
I got a job working at a cafe, did i tell you this? vast readership? I work two mornings a week at a cool cafe about ten minutes east of our house in central ish phillly near south street--kind of a interesting area--but theres a lot going on. ir eally enjoy it there and the people that come in. its been good.
Classes are awesome, learning a lot about life, community development, etc...its great to be around others who have similar passions and to discuss about things together and challenge each other. its been a stretch on my thinking and continues to be. but i'm learning a lot and really enjoying it.
hmm....what else to say---i got a marriage proposal last week. That was for real, and it was awkward and awesome.
i think i'll end with that. fall is on its way, am pumped!!! the air is fresh, leaves are changing and life is rocking!
also, church in area of where i live is heading up a community project to build a community center--fits with things I want to do...and I am seeing things coming in line with my church i found here...they are about 40 mins west of philly but seeing opportunities for art and dance there and to work with the youth there--which connects with other things in the future too....just seeing a lot of snipets coming together...some of which i went to portland for...but plans change and i think through those a metamorphis if thats how you spell it happened inside of m e--which needed to happen--which is setting the stage for things to come.
also, am chopping my hair in two weeks. Going to Boston in two weeks and VT and seeing some friends. AND getting my hair cut short----bob-ing it!! With longer layers in the front...i saw a pic of posh spice. and i'm doing it. havent' had short hair since i was 8.

Fuj in Philly

Arrived in Philly last last Sunday, so its been a week and a half. wow. Been good so far, real full...got a job at a neat cafe about 5 miles from here in a mixed neighborhood---picture doctors meet hipsters with a splash of old folks...who knew?! working there two mornings a week. school started last week, really enjoying it. today i had urban politics, its going to be a good class.
diffrent to be back in school again, asking the question about my purpose here and how does all these different things gel together? waiting for an answer on that one. but will definitely get one for sure. I'll let you know and keep you updated for sure.
I feel at peace here in philly, it is good.....its the right place for me. this year is going to be a restorative year and a very peaceful year. a year of preparation. its a daily surrender right now. a lot of unknown variables...which is always the case----yet they seem to be magnified right now...yet...interestingly---am ok with it...surrender seems to be growing at the same time. theres a lot of freedom in that. for sure.

9 days and living....

I leave in 9 days to begin the trek to Philly, going a few stops along the way first but will begin with launching from Rockford here next Thursday. Pretty pumped, excited for this new year, new season really. I feel it will be a restorative one, one of joy and celebration. I really believe this.
So, much can happen in a week, even in one moment or day. I'm telling you, this summer so much has happened and its been so great, fulfilling, challenging, and full of life for me. I'm really finding it and embracing it.
Wouldlike to post pics this year, this is an idea I just had right now...I think that will be good, photos are always fun so yes, pics from philly and its goodness coming soon.
I was reminded lately that little things and acts can make a profound difference. Don't ignore promptings to do so. It can change lives, i can attest to being on the receiving end of it. even simply as being offered an oreo. thats what happened to mein L.A., just had that memory!

rocking in rockford

Yes, it is very true. I am backat my parents for a short stint before I go off to Philly, ahh, Phi-la-del-phia, Phi-la-del-phia..singing as I write this...per philadelphia song. Ithink it may be an sp and fp song. And like you just got that sentence either.
Anyway, I am rocking in Rockford. Truly I tell ya, what a year so far it has been.I feel like my insides have gotten ripped out of me, in a good way. Who knew there was somuch junk in there? The good in this is that it brings freedom and moreclearness to really see what lifeis all about, who God is, who I am. Truly in most recent times I am realizing and learning more things about my family, about myself, and discovering where more unhealthy things in my life have come from and they are getting broken off of my life. I feel like a different person in some respects, I think its been down in there and just too afraid to emerge at different points in life.
I see God thru the eyes of my parents, or I guess I should say I have seen God as I have seen my parents which has been very harsh, judgmental, black and white, and withholding of love. I was reading Joel 2, verse 25 I believe last night that really struck a cord with me. It says to render your heart not your garments to a God who is gracious and slow to anger, abounding in love. In a whole new way, I feel that I am seeing God and his love, what Jesus did in a whole new way, a fresh way, a truthful way. What foundation that has been built for so long has been built on sand and on shaky ground, as as that painfully gets ripped out under me for my own good, I am beginning to build on something very solid. When you feel loved it really changes a lot. God's love has been so real and whole to me during this season, and I've had to realize that I've blamed him for the bad, I've harbored a lot of gross things and blamed others instead of taking responsibility, grieving, and movingon. Its time to move on. I cannot change the past I surely can change the future starting today. There are many ways this applies and this time at homeis the last kick in this wholehealing season of my life.
Lately, through all of this I have been overwhelmed by my weakness, by my strife, and feeble attempts to prove tomyself and others my worthiness which cannot be done, and Iguess it gets to points of render---break down and surrender sometimes to truly accept the strength in Jesus that he imparts to us in a very real and supernatural way. And even more than that to check my motives in vision,infuture,in pursuits, in success and ask what is this all for? I think that when I get to this point Iwill have value, will prove this..yet, I have that right in front of me today.
Tired of living apathetically, tired of the norms that keep me safe in ways that shouldn't, and wanting to really discover who Jesus is. I feellike I'm just getting started.
I had this picture playing through my mind last night of me in this nasty rags and He coming to exchanged them for beautiful purple silk royalty cloth. He does relent from sending calamity and is gracious to forgive as I truly repent for wrong choices. This has been so foreign to me. I knew in my head what I have been conditioned to know from growing up, etc...but something is connecting at a deeper level and it is setting me and will continue to set me free.

its been awhile....

So, its obviously been awhile since I last wrote. Lot has changed in life, per usual, but that is more than ok. It is grand. I left Portland about a month ago I think something like that. Was planning on trekking back to IL and making stops through California along the way....and I got to go to San Fran and Oakland and see people and went to L.A. to see old friends...in a combo of things decided I needed to be in LA for a bit of a time...so it worked for me to move back in with old roomies and be there for thismonth. Will be trekking after that at the beg. of July sometime.....Portland was needed and good and challenging...and will be most likely going back to grad school this fall in Philly. It seems that when God confirms life direction for me he uses license plates....and I see the state I'm going to like everywhere...and its not a likely thing the places I have moved to. So, I keep seeing Pennsylvania plates everywhere in California and being here in Ohio the past few days---and not that that was the initial decider to move there...much more than that! But it is kind of another little connector dot with the rest of them.
I'm in Cleveland right now, flew here a few days ago and am leaving tomorrow. We have had a reunion of the sorts...with my old teammates from Mission year that I lived and worked with for the year in Oakland. They were my fam and they still are really. We haven't all been together since the end of our year which was two years ago. It is so crazy to see them...its the same yet of course different. Its been really great to see them...and bring up nostalgia and life growth of course. Seems like summer sometimes does that to me more than other seasons really.
Well, to ohio and processed food.

life

I enter into new unknowns as I finish another segment here.
i have more respect for fast food workers,
how hard their job is.
How minimum wage doesn't do jack squat.
And how people struggle with familiesjust to make it by.
We consume so much, treat people so awful.
We look down on others who do certain things,
and before I didn't see it,
now it is so clear.
We all want significance,
work ties into that...
but even more so
purpose and destiny and calling and identity are at the root
Younger people, younger generation
so starved for attention
so much wanting to make a statement and be different.
Be known
heard
seen
utilized
And someone
Anxious leadership
trickles down
Operating as units disjointed
no point
Frustrations with each other
domineering with fear and annoyance
sputtering down to other workers
who when they have the chance project the same attitude onto others
to lead well you must serve
you must understand
you must be at the same level yet brighter in knowledge, wisdom,and passion.
What is this world we live in?
The earth groans, we see the results everywhere
Yet heaven groans and its glory is shown.
I want to be known, to be understood, to be loved.
I want to be found,
yet I am.
I want to find this thing inside of me, I want to discover it.
I want to be reborn and renewed.
From the inside out.
I believe it is already happening.